09:365
YOU’RE LOCKED IN A ROOM WITH YOUR GREATEST FEAR. DESCRIBE WHAT’S IN THE ROOM.
I don’t fear snakes, in fact I like them. I don’t fear bugs or spiders. I don’t like the look of scorpions, but they really don’t bother me. The thought of being covered in a tub of snakes, spiders and scorpions is something I know I could get through without any lasting emotional scars.
I don’t fear wild animals. In fact I’d rather be lost at night in the woods, than face humans in some big city alley at night. Animals are predictable. Humans are not. I don’t fear animals.
I don’t fear death. I fear the thought of missing out on things by being dead, but I don’t fear actual death. I maybe fear the pain of death, but I assume it would be over soon enough.
I don’t fear numbers or crackers or heights. I don’t fear earthquakes or thunder. I don’t fear staplers or pinecones.
I fear the thought of having to go on living after the loss of the people I love. But you can’t put that in a room and I know how that episode goes, and there is no way to get through it other than to get through it.
I have two real fears.
The first is totally irrational. Unless in the very unlikely event that I am recruited as some sort of American spy where I retain a vast knowledge of certain important intelligence and someone really, really wants that information. No amount of pain will get me to speak. So I am forced to endure days and days of torture ….. 🙂 I may watch too many movies!
They other is almost as unlikely, but possible in some sort of living nightmare kind of way, I guess.
I am in a small square room. The room is empty. I am the only one there. There is a dim light. Just enough light to reassure me that I am in fact alone. My feet are cut up and muddy and my clothes and hair is wet. I am terrified and so, so tired. I am emotionally empty, but full of rage. I cannot physically go on searching, but I cannot stop. My head is pounding. The silence is deafening. My heart and my whole world have been shattered.
A fear in it’s own right is that I know with every cell in my body that whomever took her I will kill, slowly.
It’s Addison. My baby girl. She’s gone. And I can’t find her. No one can. There is no sign of her. She went to sleep many nights ago in her room and the next morning she wasn’t there.
All hope is gone that we will ever know what happened to her.
—-
This fear has seriously at times kept me up at night checking on her. Losing your child to death would be unimaginable. Something I can’t imagine ever recovering from. And losing a child, literally losing a child and never knowing where she is or who she is with seems like the most horrific thing for any mother to go through and I realistically fear that.
Irrational and crazy? Totally.
But most fears are.
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